In May 2020 I started a post that I never finished. It was going to be about documenting our au pair search. I’m sad I never got to it because finding an au pair during a global shutdown was an interesting process and looking back there are so many things I could share to make someone else’s journey easier. But, the reason I wasn’t able to get to it highlights why I needed an Au Pair in the first place. I was overwhelmed with running a fulltime business, taking care of my children, home school, and had little to no time left for me. Precisely where an au pair comes in, to fill in the gaps and make my schedule and running the kids’ lives way more manageable.
Before the pandemic, I remember feeling like my life was a never ending run on sentence and I was the word that was about to fall of the page. I would wake up early at 6am, start a load of laundry, get the kids lunches and snacks ready, read through some work emails. At 7am wake the kids up and get them ready for school, get myself ready for the day, make breakfast, and drop the girls off at 8am. Then, I would hurry and try to cram in as much of my realtor work in as I could before pick up. That meant house tours, attorney and lender follow up, client calls, meetings, planning, marketing and whatever research and reports I had to get done for clients between 8:30am and 6pm. Oh, and I had to try to eat some meals, buy groceries, run errands, and do house chores as well. Then, at 5:30pm I had to be ready for pick up and to run the kids to their activities. Once home it was dinner, more chores, get the kids ready for bed, and EXHAUSTION. Then, the guilt of being too tired to spend time with my husband, then rinse and repeat the next day. Shoot, I forgot to get the laundry out of the dryer!
It was one day when we were at swim lessons. Rosie was in the pool, Scarlet was finishing up homework while waiting for her lesson to start, and I was trying to squeeze in an email before an important client call, and then Scarlet needed help with something. I was ready to snap. I was under constant stress at all times and I was close to my breaking point. I spoke to my husband and we agreed that I needed help in order to keep sane. I was in a great place, my business was gaining momentum, both girls had their routines and activities established, but I was hanging on by a thread. It was still too much for me to do alone.
This was around the last quarter of 2019. We started our research and decided to get an au pair would be the best option for us. We found a company that we liked and we were about to dive in when in March 2020 the pandemic happened. At that point the world and life seemed so uncertain that it stopped making sense to get help for the kids and their activities since everything shut down. Or so we thought. Two months later and I knew I was not cut out to be homeschool instructor, run a business, and live through a global pandemic while trapped at home with no assistance. I was still overwhelmed, and I still needed help. Re-enter our search for an Au Pair.
It’s Not Weird: Unless You’re Weird
We used Cultural Care as our agency and my Childcare Consultant has been so helpful. We had so many reservations about having a stranger live with us, especially during a time when we would all be home all the time but we have realized that all of our fears were in our heads. Sure, it’s an adjustment to see an extra person in front of the cabinet precisely when you need something at the same time, or to have someone else to coordinate schedules with, but aside from small things it has been so worth it.
It’s Not Added Stress
I was also worried that having an au pair would mean more work for me because I would have to manage them. Luckily, I was wrong about that, too. The au pairs go through rigorous training and aside from the initial training period during the first week of arrival they come in and take over very quickly. Once they get their bearings they also don’t need to hang out too much because they’d much rather be in their room (ALONE), explore the area, and be with friends. No need to worry that you have to entertain a guest. It’s more like having a teenager who wants nothing to do with you, most of their free time. The au pairs have a tremendous support system from their local coordinator, to chat groups with all the au pairs in our local area, to national groups, and they also have a therapist available to them. Plus, they have friends and family back home to catch up with. I felt like I was actually pretty low on the list of who my au pairs need when they run into a problem. But of course, I am available to them whenever they do need me for help with something.
YES, IT REALLY IS AFFORDABLE!
I had been working hard to build my business but I wasn’t sure that I could justify or afford the cost. All in, we spend about $22,000 per year on our au pair. A nanny would cost us about $42,000 per year! (40 hours a week at $20 per hour.) The Au Pair’s salary portion is about $11,000, then about $8,000 for the agency’s fees, the rest is me rounding up for incidentals, like their $500 education supplement. You can pay the agency portion up front, or in installments. You pay your Au Pair $200 per week for childcare. $200 per week for 45 hours of childcare hours! it’s not a typo. The au pairs can work a maximum of 10 hours a day, and they need to have a minimum of 1.5 days off per week. Your schedule can be contiguous but for us because of school we have a morning block 7:30-9am and then 3pm-8pm. We give our au pairs the weekends off. Unless my husband decides to gold on a Saturday morning, then he will ask them to work one Saturday a month for a few hours. Totally affordable and so worth it. We provide room and board and they provide an invaluable resource to care for our kids and give us peace of mind, plus time, and freedom!
Expectations and Set Up
The au pairs are not maids! They do not clean your house, but they can cook for the kids, do their laundry, and clean up after them. It’s a HUGE help. They get my kids ready for school, make breakfast, make lunch, snacks, and prepare dinner. They clean up the girls’ room, wash, fold, and put away the laundry, put things in the dishwasher, tidy up the playroom, organize backpacks, etc. They also do the driving to activities, trips to the zoo, cooking or crafts at home, and plan play dates.
You need to provide your au pair with a private bedroom, food, and access to transportation. For food, most of them have eaten whatever we buy and are not picky at all so I don’t see much change or increase to our food expenses. We actually spend about the same and waste less food. We live in a house in Westchester so we have a bit of extra space. In our house we had a finished portion of the basement that we were using for storage so I cleaned it out and set it up like a studio apartment with a TV, sectional, small dining table, and twin bed. That has kept our au pairs super happy because they can really decompress in a space that is separate from us after work. There are still families who do this while living in an apartment in NYC, remember these au pairs are here to explore so they will not be in their rooms too much, anyway. Respect their time. Do not try to overwork them. Number one, it’s illegal. Number two, you don’t want the person in charge of your kids to be stressed and over worked. That’s the reason you need an au pair in the first place.
Prepare for More Balance
Now that I have an Au Pair my day starts at 5:30am instead of 6am. Except now I wake up earlier than before to watch the sunrise meditate, write affirmations, and exercise. It was a difficult transition and I had to adjust, but once I was comfortable I relaxed and started my new schedule. Since we got an au pair I was finally able to devote time to my workout routine and lost 10 pounds! How’s that for how having a younger woman running around in your house will impact your self confidence. I’m more centered and happier. There’s always stress and more to do than I can get done, because that’s the life we lead. the good thing is now I know my kids are well cared for, fed, and will not be running around with a cranky and stressed out mommy who might make a mistake because she’s not focused. Since hiring an Au Pair my sales at work also increased because I can serve my clients and can take on more work. My earnings increase equates to more than double the au pair costs. My time with them is better quality. Now I come in at dinner time, or when I have a break and I am present because I don’t need to multitask as much as I used to.
I am so glad we took the leap and I highly recommend you do it, too. We are currently hosting our second au pair. We already have our next au pair lined up, who will be starting in about two months. If you have questions, please reach out and add them in the comments. I will be happy to keep adding to this post. If you’re curious, here’s a link to browse the company we used.
